This Diet's for the Dogs

Monday, February 2, 2009

I always thought if I were a dog it'd be so easy to lose weight and/or diet. I've never had much sympathy for overweight dogs or their owners. I mean, the dogs only get fed when you feed them. They can't raid the fridge right before bed and come up with cheese, pudding, some chocolate and a banana (just so it feels healthy) with a few jellybeans thrown in for good measure. They can't start the day great and by lunch be so hungry that lunch melds into dinner and you realize you haven't stopped eating since noon, and it's now 8. They lack the necessary skills to order pizza, or coerce their mates into getting take-out Chinese when the healthy meal they had planned just isn't sounding so great. They can't dip back into the bowl for seconds, or thirds.

So when the vet said that Hunter was no longer our "little" brown dog, I figured no big deal. We'll cut his food down and possibly walk him a little more (or a little, which would be more) and he'll drop the 10 pounds he's packed on since last year. I figured he'd be cranky- he loves his kibble as much as I do, and because can't cheat on his own he'd be getting no relief. I didn't realize he'd shift into survival mode.

He has discovered some amazing ways to get food. While he hasn't taken to tipping trash cans (yet), I do have to watch Duke more carefully when he has a cracker or something as Hunter is all over him. This evening, I was eating dinner in front of the computer (my eating habits have become even more detestable since Darrell has been working the later shift) and got up to get the door. I was gone from the office for a few moments. [I know what you're thinking, and no, there wasn't anything left in the bowl for him to eat. Please, this is me we're talking about.]

As I am stepping over the threshold of the office, I see a strange scrap of paper. Which on further inspection is a small remnant of my napkin, which I, being the messy creature I am, had wiped some food on, still damp with his saliva. I'm not sure if that part of the napkin had no food scent on it, or if I came around the corner and he interrupted his snack for fear of being busted. I'm betting on the latter; he's hungry enough to eat plain paper.