She lets her kids do WHAT?!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

*(Since I've posted this some people have been questioning my motives. While this friend and I have discussed parenting theologies and methodologies in a general way and agree to disagree, I've never been as specific as I am here as it isn't my place unless there is an opening of some kind, and there hasn't been. I don't want her to feel like she's getting slammed here if she were to read this. I intended it only as a point of entry for a discussion about the way I am doing things and one way I see others doing it. So, I've come in after the fact and removed all personal descriptions of my friend and her children. When I refer to her kids, I am speaking in generalities, like it was someone I saw at the grocery store or the library. And it's all hypothetical of course.)





I have a friend who is just sweet as can be. She has a couple of kids and while I had some really great stuff to share with you about our Easter adventures (I know, it’s a little late in coming), it will have to wait a bit as I just really have to get this off my chest.


   She refuses to let her kids be "uncomfortable". Meaning, if they don't want to do it, if it isn't "fun" or doesn't "feel good" for them, they don't have to.
   I have so many issues with this mentality. One: it's not safe. Physical harm could ensue from her desire to keep her kids from discomfort.
   Secondly, I believe that not only is she providing potential harm for her kids now, long term she is setting them up for problems. "I don't want to ______." You fill in the blank: go to school, do my homework, get a job, resolve conflict with someone in my family, obey traffic laws, cook dinner, wash my clothes, take out the trash, work on staying married to my spouse, and on and on. Regardless, as her kids get older they will face things that they HAVE to do. And if they don't they will suffer loss of a job, no income, divorce, problems with the law, and will probably move back home with her. Ha ha.
   The part that I have even more trouble reconciling is that this is a Christ-loving girl. Yet her parenting methods scream to me of post-modernism. Meaning that her "if it doesn’t feel good, don't do it" will probably morph into the "if it feels good, it must be worth doing", which is just a wide doorway for substance abuse, immorality and other self-pleasing (read: worshipping) actions and lifestyles.
   Christ died to save us. He took all my sins, and yours too, on himself even though he knew no sin. He was beaten for our transgressions. Are we not to undergo a little suffering as well? The Bible says we are to "die to ourselves" and that "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains a single seed. But if it dies it produces much fruit." How are we to come under the authority and discipline of our heavenly Father if we cannot (or are not required to first) come under the authority of our earthly fathers (and mothers of course)?? If obeying our parents on earth isn't required, why would someone choose to obey God? They haven't "disciplined their Spirit" or learned how to submit (which in relationships with people and spouses can translate into compromise).
   Christ was so selfless in dying for us, and in doing so he was also obedient to his Father. Even though he did not want to go to the cross his words were "not my will, but thine be done." Was his selflessness just so that we could have free license to indulge our flesh? This I-will-please-myself attitude goes against the Mission of God: because "God sent His only Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish, but have everlasting life" it tells us that God's heart is for people, that they would come to know, love and serve Him and in doing so have hope here on earth and the promise of heaven. And as Christ followers it's our job to get the Word out. Which requires an attitude that focuses on others, not just our emotions and desires.
   I pray that she will see that she is feeding their flesh and fleshly desires, and that she would come to this realization soon before their fleshly appetites get so big and accustomed to having their own way that she has even more of a fight.

   While I don't think a lot of people read this, I certainly don't mean to ostracize or offend anyone by my views. Nor do I want to make it seem like she is a bad parent, and that I have it all figured out. I most certainly don’t! I just see such a discrepancy by what she believes and what she's living out, not in her own life but as it affects her kids, and I have really strong opinions about this stuff. (Even more so than my other strong opinions! I know, I'm opinionated.) I would never say anything to her (we're not THAT good of friends; I don't even know if I'd say something like this to my sister if it was her!) but hey, it's my blog and I can say what I want. :)